I'm a Celebrity...Get Me a Book Deal!

<p>And so the ninth (the NINTH!) series of <b>&quot;I'm a Celebrity...Get Me Out of Here!&quot;</b> began at the weekend, mere minutes after <b>Jedward</b> somehow survived for yet another week on <b>&quot;The X Factor&quot;</b>.</p>
<p>Ninth series? REALLY!? Who on Earth are the eight previous winners of the show? I can only remember one, and even then I can only remember him as &quot;that <b>'Eastenders'</b> geezer&quot;. <i>Scroll down to the foot of this blog to discover the identities of the other seven...</i></p>
<p>I imagine some publishers will be sitting down to watch series nine with a mug of Ovaltine in one hand and a chequebook in the other. But are any of this year's &quot;celebs&quot; (and I use the term &quot;celeb&quot; incredibly loosely), worth shelling out for?</p>
<p><b>KATIE PRICE</b></p>
<p><img width="162" height="91" src="/documents/UserContributed/Katie.jpg" alt="" /></p>
<p>The artist sometimes known as <b>&quot;Jordan&quot;</b> has &quot;written&quot; 33 books thus far, including four novels (combined sales of <b>925,000</b> copies); three memoirs (combined sales of <b>1.7 million</b>); one fashion guide; and a lot of ponies/mermaids books for kids. <br />
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<span style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);"><i>Chances of a book deal</i></span><i><b>:</b></i> <b>Evens</b> (F). Is the sky blue? <br />
<span style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);"><i>Advance</i></span>: <b>&pound;750,000</b> for memoir number four or novel number five.<b> &pound;50,000 </b>for any book involving a pony or mermaid.</p>
<p><b>SAM FOX</b></p>
<p><img width="162" height="91" src="/documents/UserContributed/Sam.jpg" alt="" /><br />
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According to sources, the ex-glamour model has already had a dabble in publishing. Who knew? Apparently, <b><i>Making Music </i></b>(Zomba) was released back in 1997&mdash;a story of her &quot;rise to fame&quot;, which ran to 64 massive pages and included a &quot;full-colour&quot; poster. One suspects it was nothing more than an &quot;accompanying&quot; pamphlet for a VHS or something but, although someone is selling a copy for &pound;4.99 on eBay, I am nowhere near interested enough to find out.<br />
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<span style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);"><i>Chances of a book deal</i></span>: <b>4/1</b><br />
<span style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);"><i>Advance</i></span>: <b>&pound;250,000</b> for her memoir. <b>&pound;500,000</b> if she agrees to go topless in the centre pages. <b>&pound;750,000</b> if she agrees to go topless AND record new material for an accompanying CD.<br />
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<b>GINO D'ACAMPO</b></p>
<p><img width="162" height="91" src="/documents/UserContributed/Gino.jpg" alt="" /><br />
The &quot;celebrity&quot; chef has released two cookbooks with Kyle Cathie to date. <i><b>Fantastico! Modern Italian Food</b></i> has sold <b>15,000 copies</b> at UK bookshops, while <i><b>Buonissimo! Italian Food Has Never Been So Sexy</b></i> has sold <b>8,000 copies</b>. His <i><b>The i Diet </b></i>is out in January and should do well if he does OK on <b>&quot;I'm a Celeb...&quot;</b>. However, the book jacket only has a tiny picture of Gino's face on it. And I think having a big picture of his grinning mug on the cover is the only chance it has of selling.<br />
&nbsp;<br />
<span style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);"><i>Chances of a book deal</i></span>: <b>10/1</b>. If Kyle Cathie aren't already working on a Gino D'Acampo's <i><b>Barbequissimo: Italian food in the Australian Outback</b></i> then they bloody-well should be.<br />
<span style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);"><i>Advance</i></span>: <b>&pound;10,000</b> plus <b>15%</b> of sales after <b>10,000</b>.<br />
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<b>COLIN MCALLISTER &amp; JUSTIN RYAN</b></p>
<p><img width="162" height="91" alt="" src="/documents/UserContributed/Colin.jpg" /><img width="162" height="91" alt="" src="/documents/UserContributed/Justin.jpg" /><br />
Their <i><b>Million Quid Property Experiment </b></i>(BBC) sold <b>35,000</b> copies at UK bookshops. Not bad, but could do better&mdash;especially if a publisher (:::cough:::Michael Joseph:::cough:::) is willing to part with cash for their joint memoir, <i><b>Colin &amp; Justin: Bitch, bitch, bitch</b></i>.<br />
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<span style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);"><i>Chances of a book deal</i></span>: <b>12/1</b> for <i><b>The World According to Colin &amp; Justin</b></i><b>.</b><br />
<span style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);"><i>Advance</i></span>: <b>&pound;100,000 each</b> plus a lavish launch at G.A.Y.<br />
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<b>KIM WOODBURN</b></p>
<p><img width="162" height="91" alt="" src="/documents/UserContributed/Kim.jpg" /><br />
<i><b>How Clean is Your House </b></i>(Michael Joseph), written with her partner-in-crime Aggie MacKenzie, has sold more than <b>400,000 copies</b> in the UK, and her memoir, <i><b>Unbeaten</b></i> (Hodder), has sold a respectable <b>85,000 copies</b> to date. <br />
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<span style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);"><i>Chances of a book deal</i></span>: <b>15/1</b> &mdash; a second memoir is all the rage these days.<br />
<span style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);"><i>Advance</i></span>: <b>&pound;50,000</b> plus <b>10% </b>of sales after first <b>500,000</b>.<br />
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<b>GEORGE HAMILTON</b></p>
<p><img width="162" height="91" alt="" src="/documents/UserContributed/George.jpg" /><br />
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He's already put pen to paper a couple of times. First for <i><b>Life's Little Pleasures</b></i> and then for last year's <i><b>Don't Mind if I Do</b></i> (Touchstone in the US and J R Books in the UK). Neither have exactly set the bestseller charts alight. That might change if he ends up doing something memorable in the outback. A fling with Katie Price should just about do it.<br />
<br />
<span style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);"><i>Chances of a book deal</i></span>: <b>25/1</b><br />
<span style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);"><i>Advance</i></span>: <b>&pound;200,000</b>&mdash;conditional on fling with Katie Price.<b> &pound;20,000</b>&mdash;conditional on fling with Kim Woodall.<b> &pound;500,000</b>&mdash;conditional on a threesome with Colin and Justin.<br />
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<b>JIMMY WHITE</b></p>
<p><img width="162" height="91" alt="" src="/documents/UserContributed/Jimmy.jpg" /><br />
The &quot;whirlwind&quot; has already penned his autobiography. 2008's <i><b>Behind the White Ball </b></i>(Arrow) has sold 46,000 copies to date. Not great, but he's a snooker player after all. I reckon 45,000 of those sales probably came at the Crucible alone.<br />
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<span style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);"><i>Chances of a book deal</i></span>: <b>40/1</b> for a second memoir. <b>20/1</b> on an &quot;updated&quot; edition of his first.<br />
<span style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);"><i>Advance</i></span>: <b>&pound;50,000</b> for a second memoir, with a launch at the Crucible&mdash;organised and fronted by John Virgo and Dennis Taylor. If there's a spare invite to the launch going, I really, really, REALLY, don't want one. <br />
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<b>CAMILLA DALLERUP</b></p>
<p><img width="162" height="91" src="/documents/UserContributed/Camilla.jpg" alt="" /></p>
<p>She featured heavily in the first two <i><b>Strictly Come Dancing</b></i> annuals (2008 edition<span style="font-weight: bold;">&mdash;</span><b>61,500 copies</b> sold; 2009 edition&mdash;<b>53,000 copies</b> sold), but as yet a publisher has not knocked on Dallerup's door brandishing a big cheque.&nbsp; <br />
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<span style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);"><i>Chances of a book deal</i></span>: <b>50/1</b><br />
<span style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);"><i>Advance</i></span>: <b>&pound;1,000</b> for <i><b>Teach Yourself How to Survive in the Australian Outback (For Three Days)</b></i>. <b>&pound;100,000</b> for her memoir providing no less than half of it spills the beans on her many years with &quot;love rat&quot; Brendan Cole. <b>&pound;200,000 bonus</b> if serialisation is taken by the <i><b>Daily Mail</b></i>.<br />
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<b>LUCY BENJAMIN</b></p>
<p><img width="162" height="91" src="/documents/UserContributed/Lucy.jpg" alt="" /><br />
She had some great storylines in her five years on the Square in &quot;Eastenders&quot;. And she provided the tabloids with some great headlines off it. Martine McCutcheon has proved there's literary life upon leaving the Vic. Perhaps Benjamin could do the same? Probably not.<br />
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<span style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);"><i>Chances of a book deal</i></span>: <b>75/1</b><br />
<span style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);"><i>Advance</i></span>: <b>&pound;50,000 </b>for a novel titled either <b>The Mistresses</b> or <b>The Mistress II</b></p>
<p><b>JOE BUGNER</b></p>
<p><img width="162" height="91" src="/documents/UserContributed/poll.jpg" alt="" /></p>
<p>So far no deals for the man who once descibred Russell Crowe as a &quot;gutless worm and a f**king girl&quot;&mdash;an opinion that got him the boot from the set of boxing biopic &quot;The Cinderella Man&quot;, where Bugner was supposed to be &quot;expertly advising&quot;.</p>
<p><span style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);"><i>Chances of a book deal</i></span>: <b>80/1</b><br />
<span style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);"><i>Advance</i></span>: <b>&pound;50,000 </b>for his memoir. <b>&pound;14.50</b> for a guide on how to unsuccessfully run an Australian vineyard. <b>&pound;100,000</b> for both, providing that a week before their simultaneous publication, he comes out of retirement to face Evander Holyfield in a Las Vegas old folks' home.<br />
&nbsp;</p>
<p><b>SABRINA WASHINGTON</b><br />
<img width="162" height="91" src="/documents/UserContributed/Sabrina.jpg" alt="" /><br />
Short of <b>Mis-teeq </b>reforming and enjoying <b>Take That</b>-sized success, one assumes publishers will be steering clear of Washington. However, her solo album is due soon, and those CD inlay-card/booklets do need a publisher...<br />
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<span style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);"><i>Chances of a book deal</i></span>: <b>200/1</b><br />
<span style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);"><i>Advance</i></span>: <b>&pound;20,000</b> if she does a Liz McClarnon and writes a novel, providing she wins <b>&quot;Celebrity Masterchef&quot;</b> like the ex-Atomic Kitten did. Winning the frankly insane <b>&quot;Celebrity Scissorhands&quot;</b> is NOT enough, Sabrina.<br />
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<b>STUART MANNING</b><br />
<img width="162" height="91" alt="" src="/documents/UserContributed/Stuart.jpg" /><br />
I'm sure he's appeared in a truck load of <b>&quot;Hollyoaks&quot;</b> calendars but have no proof of this (thank heavens). Short of a freak tornado hitting the<b> &quot;I'm a Celeb...&quot;</b> camp and a severely-injured Manning heroically saving the lives of everyone in there&mdash;which includes carrying Kim Woodall aloft on his back, with a Colin and a Justin under each arm&mdash;I reckon Manning's chances of landing a book deal are so miniscule that even the Large Hadron Collider couldn't detect it.<br />
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<span style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);"><i>Chances of a book deal</i></span>: <b>1,000,000/1</b><br />
<span style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);"><i>Advance</i></span>: <b>&pound;3.50</b> plus a <b>2-for-1</b> voucher for <b>Nando's</b> <i>(expires yesterday)</i>. <br />
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***</p>
<p><br />
Previous Winners of <b>&quot;I'm a Celebrity...Get Me Out of Here!&quot;</b>:</p>
<p><b>2002</b>: <i>That guy who used to be a DJ and might still be, I don't really know.</i></p>
<p><b>2003</b>: <i>That ex-cricketer bloke who was on <b>&quot;Strictly...&quot;</b> this year and is on<b> &quot;Question of Sport&quot;</b>.</i></p>
<p><b>2004</b>: <i>That girl who used to work for <b>Iceland</b>.</i></p>
<p><b>2004</b>:<i> The comedian with the really squeaky voice.</i><br />
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<b>2005</b>: <i>The woman with the famous mum who was booted off <b>&quot;The One Show&quot;</b> because of a comment she made about a tennis player.</i></p>
<p><b>2006</b>: <i>The kid who used to play in a band called<b> &quot;Busted&quot;</b>.</i></p>
<p><b>2007</b>: <i>The camp Panto one.</i></p>
<p><b>2008</b>:<i> The geezer who used to be in<b> &quot;Eastenders&quot;</b> and who will probably return to Albert Square one day when the people from the bank suggest it might be a good idea if he wants to keep his house.</i></p>