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Diagram Prize: Previous Winners

21.10.09 | Horace Bent

The Diagram Prize for Oddest Book Title of the Year: Winners 1978-2010
 
1978: Proceedings of the Second International Workshop on Nude Mice
1979: The Madam as Entrepreneur: Career Management in House Prostitution
1980: The Joy of Chickens
1981: Last Chance at Love: Terminal Romances
1982: Population and Other Problems
1983: The Theory of Lengthwise Rolling
1984: The Book of Marmalade: Its Antecedents, Its History and Its Role in the World Today
1985: Natural Bust Enlargement with Total Power: How to Increase the Other 90% of Your Mind to Increase the Size of Your Breasts
1986: Oral Sadism and the Vegetarian Personality
1987: No Award
1988: Versailles: The View From Sweden
1989: How to Shit in the Woods: An Environmentally Sound Approach to a Lost Art
1990: Lesbian Sadomasochism Safety Manual
1991: No Award
1992: How to Avoid Huge Ships
1993: American Bottom Archaeology 1994: Highlights in the History of Concrete
1995: Reusing Old Graves
1996: Greek Rural Postmen and Their Cancellation Numbers
1997: The Joy of Sex: Pocket Edition
1998: Development in Dairy Cow Breeding and Management: and New Opportunities to Widen the Uses of Straw
1999: Weeds in a Changing World
2000:High Performance Stiffened Structures
2001: Butterworths Corporate Manslaughter Service
2002: Living With Crazy Buttocks
2003: The Big Book of Lesbian Horse Stories
2004: Bombproof Your Horse
2005: People Who Don’t Know They’re Dead: How They Attach Themselves to Unsuspecting Bystanders and What to Do About It
2006: The Stray Shopping Carts of Eastern North America: A Guide to Field Identification
2007:If You Want Closure In Your Relationship, Start With Your Legs
2008: The 2009-2014 World Outlook for 60-milligram Containers of Fromage Frais 2009: Crocheting Adventures with Hyperbolic Planes 2010: Managing a Dental Practice the Genghis Khan Way

Much like the death (?) of Elvis Presley, and the alleged report that Katie "Jordan" Price may have actually, once, written one of the sentences in one of her many, many, books all by herself, the early procedures of the Diagram Prize are shrouded in mystery.

But the idea of the prize itself, a celebration of books with odd titles, goes back more than 30 years—and to the brilliant mind of one man: Bruce Robertson. For it was he, the founder of The Diagram Group (a "publishing solutions" firm, if you will), who suggested that some of the boredom of the Frankfurt Book Fair (the largest trade fair for literature in the world :::yawn:::) could be abolished (hurrah!) if one traversed its many, many, many, aisles in search of oddly-titled books.

In its earliest days, any book discovered at the fair could be submitted for the award (which was then known as the Diagram Group Prize for the Oddest Title at the Frankfurt Book Fair), with the only proviso that publishers could not submit their own works. A panel of judges decided the winner—a panel that I was privileged to become chairman of back in '82.

After many successful years, tragedy hit in the late 80s. The volume and quality of submissions hit a new low, and it was with huge regret that the judges decided no prize was to be awarded for 1987. The regret, it turned out, wasn't big enough because the judges and I came the same decision again just four years later. No prize was awarded for 1991.

Fearing another such horrific occurrence, the judges and I decided to open up submissions from beyond the confines of the Frankfurt Book Fair, and we allowed The Bookseller's vast and knowledgeable readership to suggest worthy winners of the prestigious prize. It is at this point that one is supposed to suggest that "it was a tough decision" but in reality, it was incredibly easy. Never again did I, or The Bookseller, or the public, want a year in literature to fly by without recognising the all-important oddly-titled book. And of course, never again did I want a bottle of vintage champagne, paid for by The Bookseller, to go un-awarded to the spotter of the winning book.

In 2000, perhaps the most radical change to The Diagram Prize was proposed. Against my wishes, I hasten to add. When it was first suggested that the prize be opened up to the public vote, I threatened to resign (public submissions fine, but public vote? Too far!). But in the end, I conceded my position as "Chairman of Judges" and instead took upon the role as "Overlord".

It soon became clear that opening up the prize to an online vote (at thebookseller.com), simply opened up the prize to influence from the unwashed masses as books with vulgar titles soon became the most popular with the apparently dirty-minded majority within The Bookseller's readership. How else to explain that year's winner, High Performance Stiffened Structures and the 2002 winner in particular, Living with Crazy Buttocks? And the 2003 winner, The Big Book of Lesbian Horse Stories? And the 2007 winner, If You Want Closure in Your Relationship, Start with Your Legs?

This smutty trend is still evident—many of the submissions I received have naughty elements (directly or indirectly). And in this year of Twitter, it is perhaps no surprise to discover that almost half of submissions received thus far have been Tweeted to either myself (@HoraceBent) or @TheBookseller. Yes, this prize really is the people's prize.

And just as the prize is essential to the people, the people are essential to it. In particular, what the prize requires most is ignorance. You see, the Diagram Prize is a unique thing. Spotters and judges and voters are actively discouraged from reading the texts in question, for fear that becoming too close to the work may cloud their judgement in declaring the text's title "odd". Especially considering the prize champions "odd titles" and NOT "odd books" (see the Man Booker for the latter).

Other minor considerations when judging over the years have included: "writers' ignorance" (is the title purposefully funny? If so, we can't have it. Unintentional oddness is what we're after); "vanity presses" (ditto—books should be professionally published. It would be too easy to bash out a quick book and stick it on Scribd with a title like: "The jellyfish of Redcar's car-parks" ); and "whether or not publisher of nominated book has taken me out for lunch in the past 12 months".

Horace

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